Rich cheap people suck
Over the years, I've met a few wealthy people, a fair number of rich people, a LOT of middle class people, and a sadly large number of people who were/are dirt poor. The ones who are dirt poor have fewer choices, and ..they have to re-use a lot of things that many others would buy new; they keep other things long past their prime; worst of all, they have no choice but to scrimp enough to get by.

The middle class is all over the map. Most of us spend beyond our means. I know I do. I'd rather live for today. I'm sure I'm a credit card company's dream. I generally pay more than the minimum monthly payment, but..still..they make money off me, and I'm happy to have the cards.

Here's where it gets really hideous though. I know lawyers whose time bills out at $300 to $500 an hour, and they will spend a LOT more time than is appropriate trying to save 50 cents. People much smarter than me have commented "How do you think they got rich?"..I guess I must be stupid...If your time is $500 an hour, that's a little over $8/minute. If you spend 30 minutes, or $240 worth of time, trying to save..even $25, haven't you just lost $215?

Some rich people defend this behavior by saying "it's the principle of the thing.". Ya know what? When this principle rears its head 5 times a day, the rich guy's either working in conspiracy mode, or is spending far too much time nickel-and-dime-ing the world.

The other type of rich or wealthy person I know exudes that their time is way too valuable to waste on the dumb stuff. They delegate, they want things taken care of, and they're willing to pay for it. Wow, do I love that type of person. I'm not wealthy, and I do that, even when I technically can't afford to.

If someone making $3 million a year wants to clip coupons, and shop at the low rent supermarket because the food's not as good, but it is cheaper, God bless. they're only hurting themselves. But..when these types fight with people who provide them services? That's what really gets to me. If they want to fight Verizon over 39 cents, that's their business, and Verizon's middle class to poor customer service employees certainly have the time to waste arguing the matter.

If someone makes a $200 million acquisition, and wants you to help on it, then tries to bargain you down on your bill for services that are priced at or below market rate, wouldn't you be annoyed? What do you do? Personally, I can't deal with that type of person.

What makes me saddest is that often, the poor/middle class people are much quicker to pay their bills ..even when money is tight. Why is that?

It's confusing to me..but so is parallel parking. I'm also bummed that John Edwards is out of the presidential race. Now the Democrats have only long shots...a white woman (especially THAT white woman), and a black man (this country's not ready for a black president).

Oh, GOD, please don't let another Republican into the White House.

Republicans love the rich people...but I don't think Republican politicians would do very well if those rich people were the penny-pinching miserly types.

Does a Bill Gates fly coach? He could buy his own 747 with pocket money...so...if he ever flew a commercial airline, why would he fly coach? I'm told he drives his own car to work. That's just cool. Maybe he likes to drive. Is he going to deny his children anything? God, I hope not. I'm sure he paid whatever he had to to get good people at Microsoft. He may not pay his lowest level phone support people $20/hour, and of course he put a lot of people in India, paying them probably below the US minimum wage..but..I guess that's what one does when one is multinational, and is not Apple Computer.

Will someone please explain what the hell makes sense about a rich person being cheap and miserly?
- posted by Dana Friedman @ 3:11 AM

 
The ultimate tranny irony
After watching a very interesting documentary— Superstar in a Housedress—it occurred to me that drag queens are a reflection of a part of our society—the non-conformity part. But when we learn what something is not, we also more accurately define what it is.

I've always know that gender subjects can get messy in this society. These subjects mess with some people's heads (in much of traditional American society). Most people are afraid of crossing boundaries. Some fear crossing gender boundaries for religious reasons. Okay, I understand that, even if I don't agree with it. Denial of self-expression to affirm one's religious beliefs NEVER works. Gay men get married to conform to a religious norm, and most of them come out later in life, messing up their own lives, those of their wife and children, and give their community something to deal with that they'd really rather not have had.

Drag queens, whether high camp or low camp, represent non-comformity in many societies. The berdache or Two Spirit people of Native American society are revered, in part because they dare to be different. They are thought to have some spiritual connection and healing powers.

America's a pretty tight-assed place...and not in a good way. Given the current administration, it's going to get worse before it gets better. Even with our "President"'s low approval rating, his public presence still reinforces homophobia, and all kinds of repression from which no one worthwhile benefits.

So..what's all this about? Drag in American society is about people who are clearly male, and..who want to express femininity. Maybe they do it as idol worship (like the ones who do flawless impersonations of Judy, Liza, or Barbara), , maybe they do it as a celebratory tip-of-the hat, and exaggerate the celebrity's features and quirks...but..males expressing femininity saying the old "I am what I am".

Then we get to the transsexual—the one who wants to truly BE/live in a gender role other than the one they were assigned at birth. Most transsexuals want to go stealth after they transition. So, they commit to a process that is the ultimate in non-conformity—a physical change of their body—in order to conform. I'm not making fun. I'm transsexual, and have, for the time being, chosen not to have sex reassignment surgery. I occasionally question my decision, but I also evaluate it periodically. If one day, I feel that the benefits outweigh the risks, I'll do it. Reneé Richards' most recent book seems like it'll stir things up a bit.

Conformity is important to some, I guess, because they want to be accepted by mainstream society. With mainstream acceptance comes a level of social comfort, earning power, and various other benefits that trannies who choose a lifestyle that is more about personal satisfaction and less about conformity may not have available to them.

There's an argument here: Trannies are choosing their personal satisfaction over conformity, and they risk society's response of "if you care for your personal satisfaction over being enough like us to make us completely comfortable with you, you risk alienation from us."

It's a trade-off. I've been living with it for a while, and it hurts occasionally. But I have cool friends, cool colleagues. One of the best ways to deal with it is by talking about it when it's appropriate, and making it a non-issue the rest of the time.

I can be happy that way...hopefully so can at least some segment of society.



- posted by Dana Friedman @ 5:09 PM

 
James, The Godfather, The hardest workin' man...is gone
James Brown died today. He was 73 years old, and he was still performing till pretty recently. In his lifetime, he'd contributed beyond measure to funk, R&B, rock...even disco. He was one of the few who could claim credit for having spawned a whole generation of black music—R&B, funk, rap, hip-hop, and more.

Eddie Murphy's impression of James is so spot on, it's..really quite amazing. On a sad day, Eddie's humor is..just what I needed to ..make me feel a little better, and to look fondly on the life of James Brown. There are other sad things happening in the world. We have the president of Iran—Ahmadinejad, sayin' all sorts of crazy things.

Doesn't his last name sound like a James Brown lyric?....Almost sounds like James saying "I have my dinner jacket"...or something. Tell me what YOU think that last name sounds like.

Check out the link. If you don't know James's work, listen to Eddie, then to some James Brown (especially any rendition of "I Feel Good" "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag", or " Sex Machine".)..The one they use in "Good Morning Vietnam" is the classic rendition of "I Feel Good")..The horn section is sharp on everything except the unison figures. And on a few of the unison figures, they sound just a little bit ahead of the beat..But we can forgive that.

(Doesn't James Brown look just a LITTLE like Richard Pryor in the "Sex Machine" video? The moustache at least?)

James sang, he danced..he rapped, he...was just ..a presence, a personality like we don't have today. We had Michael Jackson in 1982/83..He sang and danced like we hadn't seen before or since. But..there would not have been a Michael Jackson had James Brown not come before.

The younger of you reading this (assuming anyone's reading it) may see these videos, and hear this music for the first time and think you've heard it before, and done much "better". Well, James was the FIRST. In 1965, to release "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag", and a few years later "Sex Machine"....I mean...WOW...To just groove like that? No one had done that before. The only reason it may seem like old hat to the 20-somethings of 2006 or later, is because James did it first. Little Richard did for Rock and Roll what James Brown did for R&B and Funk.

He was also known for other things too...

That makes me think about James' less than flattering side. He was a wife beater, and a druggie. But that's his personal life. It doesn't speak of his art. He would sometimes try and redeem himself publicly by referencing his great contributions to music. Eh. I don't buy it. In that "Sonya" video, I doubt the listening /viewing public did either.

Picasso and Groucho Marx were both horrible misogynists. They were also unparalleled in their respective art forms. Do we throw away one of the greatest comedians of all time, and someone who changed everything about how we understand the visual arts because of some aspects of their personalities? Some folks say we should. I say we can't throw the baby out with the bathwater, when it's THIS baby.

So where do we draw the line? When does the bad stuff about a person become so bad that we have to put aside his/her positive contributions to the world? Does it take an O.J. Simpson? I think we can stop way before murder.

Michael Jackson? He took his offstage shenanigans too far, though. He did some bad things with kids. Talented though he may be, it's a tough sell. Many say he only acted as he did because of the abuses probably heaped on him when he was a child (star). Damn. I feel sorry for Michael, but...if you fondle/have sex with underage boys who don't have the ability to give consent, you..simply have gone too far, great talent or no.

So..where DO we draw the line? It's before OJ, that's clear. It's before Michael.

Do we forgive a guy for assault because he's a creative legend? I don't think so. It's not right to overlook those parts of James' personality, because he'd done something to another person without that person's consent. Ray Charles was similarly flawed (drugs, spousal abuse...Makes me wonder how the hell his wife couldn't have gotten away from him when he was aiming for her..but that's another story..).

Charlie Parker was a MAJOR smack addict. He died from his addictions, and the related medical problems they caused him. Charlie Parker who changed EVERYTHING for the saxophone, and (along with Dizzy Gillespie) took jazz in an unbelievable, complex and amazingly brilliant new direction.

Leads back to the philosophical question of..how do we separate the great artist from his/her flaws, and still look at the art objectively? Richard Pryor, classic wifebeater! The artist isn't excused or exempt from the laws and social conventions of the society in which they live. But they live in a world of their own. That's no excuse, of course.

You don't hear much about James Brown, Richard Pryor or Groucho Marx ever having tried to teach anyone how to be a good parent. Groucho brought his daughter on TV (top link). They looked really sweet together (Groucho, Melinda Marx, and Candice Bergen who was all of 11)..But that was showbusiness. He was just doing what he did best—being a showman. It was clear that he loved his daughter..but he really had sexist views about women in general.

I can forgive him of that because...oh my God, what a talent.

On this sad day, I think we can put aside, just for a short while, some of James' faults, and just mourn the loss of a great. I wonder what y'all have to say. Let me know.

Send me e-mail:
- posted by Dana Friedman @ 3:16 PM

 
There is NOTHING new at all
My knowledge of sports is limited..at BEST. I really don't know much about sports except for what my older bother ("r" intentionally deleted) imposed upon me.

But I do know about the mess Reneé Richards got herself into in the 1970s as a tennis star.
UGH! What the fuck! So now this Indian track star's in a similar mess. She wins a championship race, and someone calls her on it, and she has to pass a "genetic test" after having won the race—not before having competed in it!

Is it fair that someone with the muscle mass, or chromosomal makeup of a male compete in a women's event? I have no idea. Is Reneé Richards a woman? Ask Reneé. I'll go by whatever she says she is. I don't know different, and I don't think it's anyone's place to tell who or what gender another person is.

As for the track star, and the tennis player? Oh, damn...Well, if one represents oneself as being one thing, and one KNOWS what the ramifications of that representation are, then..one had best be honest...or at least not blatantly dishonest.

But the cops don't have a sense of humor about that stuff. My favorite response to the question "Are you a man or a woman?" would be "No."...Sometimes "No" is a good, positive word. Freaks the hell out of people in that context, though. Don't try it with a cop. I'd be too scared if a cop ever stopped me.

In 1992, one of my favorite comics—Judy Gold—asked me, from the stage at The Comic Strip, "Are you a guy or a girl?"..I responded "I'm a transsexual". Without missing a beat she asked "Oh yeah? Which way ya goin'?".

That's a classy comic. A tranny is an easy target..a million jokes about penises or...gender identity, homosexuality, ..oh, you name it. She explored the human aspect. Kinda like the crowd-work equivalent of asking a tourist "Yeah, where are you from?"...She made it nice, AND she got a good laugh. Is that a joke at the tranny's expense? Maybe a little bit, but I didn't feel at ALL insulted. Judy was doing her job. I've always loved her crowd work!

Judy's one of those funny people who, if you asked them to recite the alphabet could make it funny. I bet Judy would do some accents, or voices. Judy's SO great on HBO's At The Multiplex with Judy Gold!

Eddie Murphy could do it as James Brown, Little Richard, Stevie Wonder, Rick James, Frank Sinatra, Moms Mabley, or something. Jack Lemmon was one of those actors who..could read the alphabet and probably make it funny and interesting.

But shit, back to this other tranny thing. Is the track star a tranny? Oh, I don't know. I don't much care, really. I'm just upset that none of this stuff has changed. Are men going to win against women every time? It would suck if it were true. Should Mike Tyson be put in the ring with Muhammad Ali's daughter, Laila? Fuck, no! But...she wouldn't ask to be. Oh, I don't know. I don't like any of it...but..if the qualifying test had happened before the match/event and not after, I wouldn't be so upset about. But of course, this one isn't about me.
- posted by Dana Friedman @ 9:14 PM

 
It's been a long, long time
I miss this. This blogging thing is fun. It's cathartic, and I don't even have to use a catheter.

I started editing, proofreading, and publishing my mother's memoir-blog, and it brought back my blogging jones.

So what's happened in the 26 months since my last entry?

Well, in no particular order:

• I moved.

The building in which I'd lived, in New York's East Village was bought by some evil people—Extell Development. Extell is buying up lots of buildings in Manhattan in partnership with The Carlyle Group. The Carlyle Group has the distinction of being the business in which the Bush family (Yes, it's that Bush family), and the Bin Ladin family (Yes, of COURSE it's THAT Bin Ladin family) intersect.

Frankly, I'd have been much more impressed if my then-landlord had buddied up with the Corleone Family..or even the Tataglias. At least the neighborhood would have been safe, and maybe Al Pacino would have paid a visit now and again.

Ya ready for the punchline? The staff of Extell Development is at least partly Orthodox Jewish, and partly Israeli. So..let's review: Osama Bin Ladin's relatives are in an indirect partnership with Orthodox Jews—the ones blamed by Osama for having "inspired" him to blow up the World Trade Center. Talk about bad management of New York real estate! These bastards can't be trusted. Then again, maybe my building is safe from future bombing now. Who knows?

In any event, that company played mean, and illegally, and I didn't want any part of it. I'm not a fighter.

So now I live in Harlem, in a developing neighborhood. ("Developing neighborhood" is a euphemism for Manhattan neighborhood that is not yet developed). The building isn't bad. The apartment's great, and has the same rent as the old place. This apartment's a lot bigger, and much nicer. The landlord's Jewish, and doesn't have any Muslim-extremist partners. A Jewish landlord? Who woulda thunk it? In New YORK yet.

But seriously, folks: The move was expensive. It was also worth it. I may have to live on something closer to an austerity budget; I may be farther away from some of the things I really love; but overall, the move was a good one.

What else has happened?

• I've seen a lot of great comedy

Yeah, I know..I'm always writing about comedy...Perhaps it's an avoidance mechanism. Then again, perhaps I'm just a comedy fan who loves to share it with her friends.

Right around the time of my last post, I started going to The Laugh Lounge—a great comedy club on Manhattan's Lower East Side—a whole lot. The website may not be any great shakes today (see the date of this post), but check back in a few months.

When I lived 4 blocks from the club, I went there about once every three weeks. Now it's a bit more of a trek, but it's still worth it. It's a real surprise who'll show up at shows there. I missed Colin Quinn once. But I saw him recently at Joy Behar's show at The Metropolitan Room. Joy's lost her edge. Mostly, she talked about guests on The View. Eh! She did a friggin' song parody! She had some good jokes too, and made some good points, but it certainly wasn't revolutionary. Judy Gold and Colin Quinn were at the table behind me. Those two are old school comics, and probably just came to the show to support their friend. That's nice.

I saw Paula Poundstone live again in April, 2005 in White Plains, NY. She was great. Her opening joke asked why the name of the town in which she was performing was "White Plains"..She suggested it might be a reflection of the people who lived there. That got a good laugh.

Paula has a book out now. It's pretty funny. It reminds me a bit of Jonathan Katz's To-Do Lists of the Dead. Jonathan's book is more to-the-point, though. Paula has bits of her standup in her book, incorporated with shortened biographies of famous dead people. She finds ways to relate stories of the famous dead people to her own life.

I've seen Jaffe Cohen, Judy Gold, Lisa Lampanelli, and many comics at The Laugh Lounge a whole bunch of times. Jim Mendrinos is really funny, and he performed and MC'd at my holiday party this year. Jaffe Cohen was the closer, and Natalie Gray was in between them. Jaffe absolutely KILLED. He is an old-school style, openly-gay, borscht-belt comic. You don't see that every day. He really hits home with a lot of things.

The audience was a combination of Orthodox Jews, those who work with Orthodox Jews, formerly Orthodox Jews, (are you seeing a theme here?) some conservative Jews, many gay-friendly people, a handful of actual gay people, and a few plain old, white, WASP hetero folk. Jaffe read his audience pretty quickly, and..went for the gay material, the Jewish material...and he blew the room apart. There were only about 45 people in the audience. The party maxxed out at 56, but 11 had left before the standup show had begun. Shame, that!

Okay. More later!
- posted by Dana Friedman @ 8:56 AM

 
Affect of art on the soul
I've said over and over again that great standup comedy is some of what keeps me going, keeps me happy. Even when some things suck, I can crank up some Patton Oswalt, some Bill Cosby, some Bill Hicks, some Paula Poundstone, Judy Gold, Lisa Lampanelli, some Ellen DeGeneres, Bonnie McFarlane (she's wonderful)....and whatever painful thing I'm going through is just a little less painful.

Standup is art...It is art that has a good effect on my soul. Today I saw a film that...also affected my soul. It touched me...It was "bad touching". The film was a good, honest film. This was obviously not MEANT to be the feel-good movie of the year.

The film is called Osama. It's about a dirt-poor family (well, mother, grandmother, and daughter) in Taliban-ruled Afghanistan. The family is hungry, in a world/community in which few, if any women can get work. Widows, orphans, divorcees (assuming no one didn't just shoot the divorced wives)...none of `em can work. So the mother of an 10 or 11 year old girl, cuts the girl's hair, and, with little preparation or indoctrination, sends the kid out and tells her she's to pretend she's a boy.

This occured in a society that stones women for the allegation that they'd used profanity! Disguising a girl as a boy, could EASILY get the kid killed if she's caught. The mother sends the kid out as a boy anyway. She had no say in the matter. I imagine she wanted to eat too. But it was her ass on the line. The mother sent the kid out to work. It was just wrong.

Needless to say, things do not end well for her.

I hated fuckin' Arabs before this movie. I hate the Arabs and the whole culture even more after it. I'm not sure I should spill out the whole plot /story and the details here.

I need some good standup. After this movie, I need a LOT of it.

- posted by Dana Friedman @ 1:27 PM

 
Atonement after Death, various things after atonement
On the 15th, someone I think was really cool died of lung cancer.

The 15th was the first day of Rosh HaShana--the Jewish New Year.

He had been sick for several months, and had been a several packs a day smoker for years. He was quite a guy. A veteran of the Korean war, he was quite a war buff. He played computer war simulation games. He also was quite the professional on several fronts. He never did anything half-assed. He either did it and went FULL into it, or delegated it. And when he delegated it, he wanted it done just so.

He was very exact/precise. He was successful in business, and it was apparent from his approach to things in general, but especially all things artistic

He was a sweetie, and told good (sometimes politically incorrect) jokes. He was such a sweet man. His wife is a celebrity, and he was an important man in his own right.

I went to the wake. I'd never been to a wake before. There were several celebrities there. ..It was very strange. I know about the Jewish version of this ritual. "Shiva" (or "Sitting Shiva") happens after the funeral. Wakes happen before. Wakes have the deceased in an open casket (sometimes). I'd never seen a dead body before. Six Feet Under does NOT prepare you for the real thing.

The deceased being honored at this wake loved golf...There was a little piece of golf green next to the casket, along with his clubs and golf shoes....EKG (Employee)had helped him set up his iPod...That same iPod was plugged into speakers and was playing his favorite music.

I got to meet members of his immediate and extended family. It was quite cool. They all had fond memories of him. I didn't attend the funeral, but I understand it was quite a gathering. There's more. Maybe later.

Today was Yom Kippur. Jon Stewart had a great Yom Kippur quote:
Catholics have Lent...40 days ..to get absolution for your sins.
Yom Kippur: Jewish Day of Atonement. You don't eat for one day, all your sins are gone. Beat THAT! "Lent"! Even in sin you're paying retail! Bargain with The Man. He's a good Man."

Jon was obviously doing what he does best..But..it brings up a serious point.

I read in a synagogue newsletter..that Jews should treat their "High Holy Days" experience as if they were going before the King (they didn't mean Elvis) to plead for their lives. We wouldn't be casual about it..we wouldn't wander off, thinking about many different things....This king controls their fate.

I'm sure that if someone on trial in a monarchy knew he would have the opportunity to talk to the king about his case..he'd prepare very well...Behave as much as he could...And...try and show some effort.

For those (like me) who'd shown no effort all year..to go before the most powerful King and say "God, I know you haven't seen me all year, but..please keep things good for me this year" How disrespectful! Rabbi Irwin Katsof said very well in his book "How To Get Your Prayers Answered". Treat God as a valued friend or relative..someOne you'd welcome to the table....(I'm paraphrasing, of course).

I dunno. It's hard to connect with God on anything but a personal level. The language of prayer says outright that..I have made a committment to God that I clearly haven't....The whole motif of "Have mercy on us..we're trying our best"..would be a disrespectful lie, I think.

There were many reminders of death during this Jewish holiday season....Let's hope we get past it.
- posted by Dana Friedman @ 1:30 AM