Everything in a Blender
Sunday, February 29, 2004
24 hour days
This week, the old lady pulled an all-nighter. Restoring data...OH, fun, oh fun. Despite the fact that viruses create employment for my people and for me, I hate viruses. They're a pain in the butt.
When Larry Miller used to do a bit called "The Five Levels Of Drinking". The first line of it is "There are five levels of drinking...Six if you live in a trailer park..". He goes on to describe the levels..the first being relatively casual, the 4th being the "stay up all night". He describes in that 4th level how "when you were a teenager and stayed up all night, you feel like you've beaten the night".
For the first time in a couple of years, that's how I felt. It's not really a tremendous accomplishment or anything. I got the data restored. I'm kind of focused when I'm working. I typically either forget to eat, or...am reminded by a growling stomach that food would be a good thing. Nonetheless, when growling ensues, I generally ignore it if there's work to be done.
I went out for breakfast at 5:30 AM. All I could find open were delis..so I had a tuna sandwich for early breakfast. After that, I went to see Andy, my mentor, and a guru of all things. I'll talk about Andy in more detail if he doesn't mind.
Where should I take this blog, or this post? I have no idea. A writer writes. I'm not a writer, but I write anyway.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
You can't spell Montgomery with out "Gomer"
I've never been to the South of this country. The closest I came was Texas (considered the Southwest, I guess) and Florida. Even if Florida is considered the South, it's got far too big a Jewish population to be lumped in with Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, or the Carolinas.
I remember a list of reasons (maybe Jeff Foxworthy read them in his standup show?) not to mess with a Southerner. One of them was "'He needed killin'' is a valid defense here." (Notice in that last quote that there was both an apostrophe, and a single quote mark...Don't mistake any of that punctuation on the inside for a double quote).. I always thought the line was funny. I still do. I can now, however, see applying that on a lower level/smaller scale, to northern New Jersey.
I visited my mother this past Sunday. Although she is a widow (my father died while he and my mother were still married) she has remarried. She and her husband live in Jersey, in an Orthodox Jewish town. It's not as Orthodox as, say, Williamsburg in Brooklyn, but in some ways it's similar (even if it's down a few notches on the Religion scale).
Whether you go to the suburbs for a day to visit, or for a decade, to live, things change. In New York, George Bush is a moron. It's in the air around you. You'd be hard pressed to find a citizen of Manhattan who'll say that Bush's violations of privacy, his idiotic and ineffective "security" measures, his clear and disgusting patronage, and his general state of being a moron make him a viable president now, or come election time later this year.
Yet, in this town in which many educated people live, they applaud Bush because he's "good for Israel". I think that being good for Israel is a really important factor in deciding whether or not a candidate will be good for America. But there's got to be some balance. I heard a resident of this town in Jersey tell me that Bush is better for Israel than Clinton was. I don't know if that's true or not. I know that the same people who talk to Bush about Israel talked to Clinton. Bill Clinton didn't change things in Israel when he was president...but no American president is ever going to change things over there. Arabs still hate Jews, and Jews will always be defending their lives and their land from the ever-imminent threat of Arabs and suicide bombing muslims.
I'm not very good at high level math. Nonetheless, I can tell you that something's not balancing out in Northern New Jersey. They say about Bush Jr. "Good for Israel: Plus. On the minus side? It doesn't matter, because he's good for Israel")
Okay..I'll acknowledge that, for now, Bush (as every other republican since at least the 1970s) is good for Israel. That to me is a valid reason to put one "plus" on his record. In Manhattan we say "Good for Israel: Plus. But we look beyond that and say "Moron: Minus; Destroyer of Privacy: Minus; Anti-gay: Minus; ...etc.."..And the list goes on. At the end of the day, we add the plusses, subtract the minuses from the total and make a determination. Things in general don't seem to go down that way in Orthodox Jewish suburbs. Everything's black and white. There is an exception. I'm not sure if this is still a "hot button" issue. But in Northern New Jersey, there are still people who advocate for Baruch Lanner. A convicted child molestor who led the New Jersey region of a prominent (Orthodox) Jewish youth group is not universally condemned by this Orthodox Jewish community. Those who advocate for his defense tell us what a scholar he is; that the women who came forth independent of one another with similar stories of abuse are all lying; that we who know he's guilty are ruining the life of a great man. What are these people on? They make me want to throw out the baby and the bathwater, and the whole town's water supply for fear of hallucinogenic drugs that are messing with everyone's minds there.
When one is in Williamsburg, or...some concentrated New York City community of people with a set of values different from one's own, there's a safety net of sorts. It's easy to jump, and to get the hell out. When one's in the suburbs, it somehow seems more like one's actually stuck there..even if only for an hour or two.
I enjoy the visits with my mother. I don't want to stop going to Jersey. I just feel so strange when I go there. In my mind I hear the tour guide saying "You are entering the land in which people are smart but do not think. They're smart enough to be able to afford $1 million houses, and yet, cast aside their intelligence in favor of what seems like values similar to their own when trying to elect a president.".
This is not meant to be a rant about Bush. I'll get back to the original point. The air changes when going across "the bridge" (meaning the George Washington Bridge, which takes us across the Hudson river, separating New York and New Jersey). As one crosses over, mysteriously, civil rights become less important than things that are good for Israel. Gay marriage becomes a threat to sheltered, practically independent Orthodox Jewish communities. The truth is, it's quite possible that the Christians are like this too. In Manhattan, the air is more that of "Live and let live", even if one disagrees with one's next door neighbor. Outside of Manhattan, it seems more like there are many more Gomers. Reading the local Jewish newspapers in Jersey seems like some Southern preacher is saying "Them queers are ruining everything.".
When I hear such talk, not only about "queers", but about Jews or blacks, I think that someone's trying to throw the spotlight on their target group of choice to take the spotlight off their own problems. Bush was an AWOL, cocaine-using drunk who got into Yale because of his family connections, got to the White House because of family connections (even those who give him the greatest benefit of the doubt must admit that he didn't do it all on his own), and would, without those Bush bloodlines, probably be trailer trash.
It's almost time for work.
Later!
Saturday, February 21, 2004
More Comedians
I wrote these for my personal website in 1997.
Since then, my views about Andy Kaufman have changed. I still think he was truly original, I don't think he really belongs on this list because he was as funny as the rest of these people. He belongs on a list acknowledging great performers because of how different he was.
Jack Benny
Jack Benny is another classic example of the consummate comedian. Much like Groucho and George Burns, Jack Benny got his start in vaudeville, and worked all the way up into radio, films and television. Born in 1894, his birth name was Benny Kubelsky. He proudly said throughout his life he was from Waukegan, IL. Jack initially played the violin in "pit orchestras" (not orchestras that were "the pits"). In later years he incorporated the violin into his vaudeville act, and into movies and his television. He was never a great violinist. But, because he was very self-effacing about most aspects of himself, he didn't mind, nay he purposely wrote in jokes about his poor violin skills. He gave several aspiring musicians their first break by having had them as guests on his radio and television shows.
Jack had a lot of “shtick” that added up to his comedic persona. His comedic persona was that of a vain, miserly fellow who would never tell his true age or give up a dime, even if his life depended on it. By today’s standards one might have thought Jack to be somewhat effeminate. But times may have changed in that regard. We may have a different standard today for what is considered effeminate. In any event, Jack had another trait that made him beloved by his fellow actors and comedians. He truly believed in the concept of the ensemble cast. Jack let the joke be on him/his character quite often. So long as his show was funny, he didn’t care who got “credit” for the funny lines. Among the many he helped get their start in show business is Carol Burnett (who really should have a page here, but I don't know enough about her work, and I'm too lazy to do the research just now).
In his later years, Jack Benny became one of the elder statesmen of comedy in his time, influencing many comics from a wide variety of comedic styles and backgrounds including Rodney Dangerfield. Rodney tells of Jack Benny having come backstage after one of Rodney’s television appearances, and telling Rodney that his “I don’t get no respect” persona was “the perfect comedic persona”. That’s’a pretty big statement from a comedian of the stature of Jack Benny. He died in 1974 at the age of 80, although, because he would never admit anything to the contrary, he was 39.
Garry Shandling
Aside from having been influenced by Woody Allen, Garry Shandling has proven that it’s not just his “nebbish”y standup persona that gets him laughs. Garry has shown his ability to learn from the masters of the past. Garry was a television and joke writer, much like Woody Allen. Similarly to Woody Allen, he eventually realized he could do his own material better than other performers could. Garry broke into television writing by working on the Redd Foxx series Sanford and Son.
Garry’s first television show (in which he starred) was the very self-conscious It’s Garry Shandling’s Show on the (then) very daring Fox Network. Garry took the television innovation of George Burns and took it one step further. Burns talked directly to the audience as sort of an MC/Narrator, in much the same style as the play “Our Town”. While Burns did it to comment on the plot of the show, Shandling often used his position as MC on his show to talk about how desperate his situation of the moment was, and to get a few more jokes in.After a very successful run, Garry moved on. He went back to standup comedy and started developing The Larry Sanders Show for HBO. It was probably the funniest show on television in its time. Larry Sanders is a fictional talk show host. In the show, Garry shows us the behind-the-scenes at a network talk show with all the dirt associated with such goings-on. I’m not intimately familiar with every talkshow host’s personal life, but Garry appears to borrow a lot from what he perceives to be the personalities of talk show hosts. Garry co-created The Larry Sanders Show. I hope we see much more real standup comedy from him in years to come.
Andy Kaufman
Because my thesis that all great comedy is derived from comedy, or at least art that came before it, it’s really hard for me to say this..but...Andy Kaufman was a true original. He was the total space alien of contemporary comedy. The great Richard Belzer pointed out that Andy’s “shtick” was that he turned comedy around, and made the joke on the audience. He would get on stage, and do the most bizarre things, and see if they would tolerate it. And they always did. They would sit through Andy's reading from The Great Gatsby figuring the gag was forthcoming. More often than not, audiences just sat through it, waiting for the payoff. Some days there wouldn't be a payoff, and the joke would be on the audience.
Because Andy was a comedian (of a very bizarre sort) there always was a payoff. But his manner and his presentation on stage always left me wondering “how the HELL did he get away with that?” Among Andy’s best remembered bits are: lip-synching along to the Mighty Mouse theme song, but only to the words “here I come to save the day”, and being silent for the rest of the time on stage; reading in a phony British accent from The Great Gatsby, challenging women to wrestling matches in public forums; and being the world’s worst impressionist. When Andy did his impressionist bit, he generally slipped into a reasonably convincing, and usually funny Elvis impersonation. Elvis said that his favorite Elvis impression was the one done by Andy Kaufman.
Andy’s best known work was probably his role as Latka Gravas on the television sitcom Taxi. Many of Andy’s best bits got worked into his Latka persona.
Andy was asked to do a concert at Carnegie Hall some time during the run of Taxi. To make his appearance at Carnegie Hall legendary, Andy hired 20 buses and took a significant portion of the audience out for milk and cookies after the show. He was so often misunderstood, but yet many different types of people found something in his work at which they could laugh. To me, that’s the sign of great art.
THERE ARE STILL MANY MORE TO COME. I hope you don't get tired of reading these. Do you enjoy these? Send me e-mail, let me know.
Prior to this past Thursday, I'd never known an alleged murderer.
I'm not sure if the title of this post is grammatically correct. However, on Thursday morning, I was watching my favorite news channel NY 1 . The lead story was about a woman named Maria Cruz,
whose body had been found after having been missing for (almost) a year.. Turns out, I knew the (alleged) murderer. He had rendered laser hair removal and electrolysis services to me and to a friend of mine. In January 2003, the murderer, Dean Faiello, plead guilty to practicing medicine without a license..
This is quite a story. But if you're not interested in hearing the tale of an alleged murderer (I don't have any OJ stories. Sorry.), then either please wait for the next post, or please read a previous post.
I'd met Dean the alleged murderer (or A.M. from here on out) after having thought I either couldn't afford the electrologist I really liked, or...needed someone who could provide lidocaine shots directly on the areas that were to be "zapped". The advice I'd been given is to find a doctor who could "shoot me up" (not literally) with lidocaine so that I could deal better with electrolysis. (Prior to laser hair removal, electrolysis used to hurt.). Dean was working in the office of a dermatology practice. I didn't much like the dermatologist for whom he was working. But he worked something out to be able to see me. He was licensed to perform electrolysis. Electrolysis is not medicine..
In my opinion, the dermatologist (in whose office Dean was working) was not a nice person. Dean left there, and began associating his growing practice with dentists' offices. After all, dentists had the drugs too. At first, he worked out to have a dentist supervise him. That was the legal way. After a while, he worked out to have the dentists rent the space to him for a cut of the action. The dentists set up for him to have the lidocaine or whatever, and he'd administer it without a physician supervising. I don't know the law..but I'm pretty sure this is where he crossed the line of illegal activity.
Eventually, I guess he thought he didn't need the dentists. He told me he was opening his own practice. He asked me for help with the name. I suggested "SkinOvations". I'm a punstress. I come up with such things. <
So..Dean's all set up in his new business. He spends over $70,000 on a fancy laser machine which, relative to today's lasers, doesn't do very much. Kinda like computers from 19 years ago. The trades advertised "Blazing fast 286s...10 MHz". For those unfamiliar with the terminology, 10 MHz, is 10 million periods per second. Now computer processor speeds are over 3 GHz (3 billion periods per second). Lasers have probably progressed at a similar rate. But I digress. (If you've been reading this blog, you've probably come to expect that).
So Dean's all set up in his new business. I never patronized his new business. I pretty much lost touch with him after that. He called my company, Dragonfly Technologies , to help supply him with computers and a website. He never came through on that. Anyway...All these years later, I hear about his conviction, and now this. Wow!
Okay, enough stories about A.M's. I don't know any more of them anyway.
Ariel once told "You are a cute punstress, suffering from Acute Pun Stress". I thought that was very clever. Ariel is half Chinese and half German. Half an hour after she eats, she's hungry for power.
In any event, I love puns, and silly wordplays and anagrams.
When I was on the way home from Canada, I flew Air Canada. They were hours late getting us onboard and in the air. I got upset, and took my mind off the lateness by coming up with anagrams of Air Canada. My favorite of the ones I came up with is "I and a car". I'm pretty sure that uses all the letters. It leaves out one "a", actually. Eh! Let's leave out the "a"..and call it creative license. Or, we can say it's "A I and a car".
I'll get to the comedy history again soon.
There are so many more comedians to write about too, Abbott and Costello, Woody Allen, George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Garry Shandling, Joey Bishop (just kidding), Myron Cohen, Elayne Boosler, Carol Leifer, Phyllis Diller, Paula Poundstone, Brett Butler, Jeff Foxworthy (I don't care if his act is the same thing over and over again, he's funny), Eddie Murphy, Steven Wright, Steve Sweeney.
Even if I don't, I now have the basis for a table of contents. See ya later.
Saturday, February 14, 2004
The lovely and talented EKG got me a fabbo book named Eats, Shoots & Leaves--The Zero Tolerance Guide to Punctuation. Due to copyright laws, and just courtesy, I will not reproduce the fabulous examples of just why we need good, clear punctuation. I'll give you one example that's not in the book. You can ponder this one. "Let's eat grandma" is very different from "Let's eat, Grandma". Isn't it?....
EKG has told me on several occasions that I am a "Grammar Nazi" or "Proofreading Nazi" or "Copy Nazi". (We only refer to it as "copy" when we are working on a website.) I suppose it's true. I obssess over things like "is 'website' really one word? After all, it's entered the vernacular in a big way."..Yes, I'm silly and crazy that way. I'm silly and crazy in other ways, as you'll see if you keep reading this blog.
"Access" was not a verb 20 years ago. I think it's sort of dumb as a verb today. The phrase "to gain access" sounds much nicer than "to access". Long elegant phrases have given way to short phrases. Are we in such a hurry that we can't speak proper English anymore?
Shall I, at breakneck speed, and without warning, change subjects again? I shall. But I shall go back and edit a previous post I'd not finished the other day.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
I'm SUCH a morning person. For some bizarro reason, even if I wake up at 4AM, I'm fresh as a daisy, and can begin a 14 hour work day. I'm rather a grump at the end of a work day, though. Fresh as a daisy in the morning (practically ready to belt out the only chorus of "Hello, Ma Baby", much in the happy style of Michigan J. Frog), and grumpy at night, to the point at which all I can really do well is "veg" out in front of the TV. Put food in the microwave, eat, and veg out.
This is why I'm entering info into a blog at 5:29 AM. So far, I've made two minor changes to websites my company is privileged to be redesigning....The web designer I employ is going to shoot me.
I have the esthetic sense of a blind newt. Not Gingrich either. Worse than him..if you can imagine that. I love her. I think she's fabulous to work with, and a wonderful person. If I'm really fortunate, she will have a partner in crime--someone as wonderful as she is. Could I really be so fortunate to be able to have two such wonderfully competent women in my employ? Dang! Dang-dang! Even if it doesn't happen, I'm thrilled just at the prospect.
One of my favorite (non-fiction) authors, Harvey Mackay , taught me that if you find a person who is wonderful, talented, has a good work ethic, and who would enhance your workplace, hire them. They won't be on the job market long. Find a place for them. Even if you don't have a place for them, or a specific job description. Hire them..The best ones will FIND something great to do to enhance your business.
If this person I'm thinking of really does become available, I'm going to MAKE a place for her. Much as I did with my company's first full time honest-to-goodness employee.
Jokes
Do you have a favorite joke? I *love* good jokes. I even love bad jokes. Not silly jokes, though.
Among the humor I enjoy most:
Standup Comedy
Where to begin? There are just so many greats? I suppose I should, out of loyalty, start with the two my company is privileged to serve: Lisa Lampanelli--Comedy's Loveable Queen of Mean , Judy Gold . PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE ME OR MY COMPANY by the quality of the current judygold.com. We're redesigning it, and it's going to be most awesome. Her fabulous standup work is a fun mix of Jewish, Gay, Political, and a whole bunch of other types of humor. If you enjoy the work of comedian Judy Gold and would like to be on her mailing list, please sign up right here and now.
Judy Gold
Judy is so cool. She's much the same offstage as on. Bright, beautiful,....hilarious. Even when she's offstage, she's still a little bit "on". It's so cool. She's so much fun to be around. She'll call up a Chinese restaurant and order lunch, in one of the voices she uses to do her act. One of the first times she called me she did a voice similar to that of her "smoking lady"....I had no idea who it was..for about 5 seconds...and just after she did the voice, and as it was hitting me, she said "It's Judy Gold". Even just talking to us, after someone cracks a joke, she'll say "Thank You Very Much..I'll be here all week" or..will extend her hand forward, and then down..and say "aaaand Scene"..In the same way an acting or improv student would. She's far from a student. She's a professional actress, and has been on TV a LOT. She's on The New Hollywood Squares, She has an HBO show called "At The Multiplex with Judy Gold". I wish HBO would do more with it.
Lisa Lampanelli
Lisa is very daring. She is not only bringing back insult comedy..but she's often misunderstood. If you go and see her act, you'll find out she's hilarious...You'll also see that she appeals to a much wider audience than one might think. You just have to stay to the end of her set to find out why....Don't just see her in a little club where she's doing 10 or 15 minutes. See her for a whole set...a full set: 45 or 55 minutes, when she's a headliner
If you'd like a preview of the coming attractions (such as Judy Gold's website), check out a partial portfolio of the stuff we've done for comedians, not-for-profit organizations, an author, and others..
On to other comedians whom I think have done groundbreaking work:
Well, before I go on with this..I must pause to mention the obvious. With comedy, as with anything else, there is a history and a tradition. It is impossible to fully appreciate things done today without a historical perspective. What came before is extremely important to fully appreciate what is here today.
Groucho Marx cites his uncle Al Shean of Gallagher and Shean (Vaudeville team, famous in the 1880s 1890s, and early 1900s) as a big influence.
Robin Williams clearly shows clear Groucho influence. Robin's been accused of stealing jokes from other comedians. Frankly, I don't understand why such an intrinsically funny person would feel the need to do that.
A comedian many of you may have never heard of-- Jaffe Cohen--is hilarious! He's clearly influenced by "borscht belt" comics. Jaffe does Jewish style comedy about contemporary issues. He is gay, and a lot of his act discusses various aspects of his life, and being gay....He also has political and social commentary much sharper than anything the true borscht belt comics ever did..at least while they were playing those hotels in the Catskill mountains.
Someone called Lisa Lampanelli "Don Rickles with breasts" or "Don Rickles on estrogen". Frankly, I think she's got a lot that Rickles doesn't have..breasts aside. (Well, frankly, "breasts aside" would be a whole other, more physical problem). Rickles worked corny...He called people a "hockey puck" and such. Lisa...well, you really have to see her to appreciate her update on ethnic humor and "insult" humor. At the (second) Friars' Club Roast of Chevy Chase on Comedy Central (which first aired in 2003 Frank DeCaro-- an obviously flaming queen of a movie critic--was right in back of her, at the dais. She pointed to Frank and said of him "He's so gay, MY ass hurts.". This was on national television.
The Friars' Club is known for hosting unapologetically blunt, raunchy roasts of its members. This was no exception.
Every artist came from somewhere. He or she was influenced by others. Others inspired them to pursue their art form. There is very little truly original work in the world. There are new iterations of old ideas. Nothing puts a new spin on an existing idea than personalization, making it your own. The greatest comedians did that by applying stories about their own lives, and their own views to existing ideas. Having said all that, here's some info you might appreciate.
Groucho Marx: Although he was not a standup comedian /monologist the way we understand standup comedy today...He enhanced every form and every medium he'd ever been in. He did Broadway in the 19teens (sounds vaguely like an illegal porn flick), '20s and early '30s, he did movies from 1925 through, I guess 1968 (toward the end he was only doing cameos). The Cocoanuts from 1929 was the first film he and his brothers (those would be The Marx Brothers) did which survives to this day. They had done one or two others. One was destroyed by fire (back when they didn't have an easy means of duplication, the other was, in their view, not fit for public viewing).
George S. Kaufman wrote several of their Broadway shows and screenplays. During rehearsal, and during performances, Groucho would often stray a bit from the script to improvise a good line. Kaufman, a great writer, did not really appreciate variances from his funny script. But Groucho was the only actor/comedian he let get away with such sins. Kaufman said during one rehearsal something to the effect of "Wow..I think I just heard one of my original lines in there".
Ahhh, Groucho. He was a quiz show host from 1947 to 1961. The show was called You Bet Your Life. The quiz portion of the program was just a pretext for Groucho being able to interview the contestants. Groucho had better one-on-one rapport with audience members than any comedian in the last 100 years. (Though Paula Poundstone and Judy Gold come close in their ability to take some trivial thing that an audience member says, and "on the fly" turning it into a really funny bit. If you're in the pick-on seats at a club at which Lisa Lampanelli's performing, watch out! Will Rogers was funny in that way..but most of his wisdom was written down rather than performed live..He had bits of his own, mostly...He was not as interactive as many other comedians).
Some of Groucho's best work never made it to the air..The standards were different in the '40s, '50s, and '60s) In 1957, Groucho was interviewing a woman who had a career, but wanted children some day as well. Groucho asked her how she was to accomplish this difficult balancing act. She, being a midwesterner, told Groucho that "If I keep my feet on the ground, Groucho, I think I can do it." Groucho's response to her was "If you keep your feet on the ground, you'll never be a mother.". Okay, by 1950s standards that's pretty dirty. By today's standards it's a tad sexist in its overtones. It's also incorrect. Nonetheless, that was an amazing piece of improv.
Groucho, when he was 82 years old, played Carnegie Hall. He did standup for about 2 hours at that concert...Mostly it was reminiscenses from his life and career. He told funny stories, he sang songs ...very old songs. Some from his movies, and some that he just enjoyed singing. Songs back then were often very corny...Groucho seemed to love those the most..the ones with silly puns in them. (I'll post the lyrics to a few of those later. I can do that because these songs are old enough that they are in the public domain. I will not be violating anyone's copyright by posting them here.).
Here's an accomplishment you don't hear very often: Groucho was asked by the Library of Congress for his letters. He was an amazing correspondent. His letters were funny enough to be published in a book called The Groucho Letters. His death on Aug. 19, 1977 was overshadowed by Elvis Presley's death 3 days earlier. A sad ending to the life of a great funnyman
Who else is wonderful?
Oh, there are so many.
Bill Cosby--great storyteller, amazingly funny man. He did standup in 1963 about New York City that's still relevant and equally hilarious today. His first album was Bill Cosby Is A Very Funny Fellow. Right?. Below the album you'll see if you click on the link. you'll see recordings of much of Cosby's work. Check it out. He IS a very funny fellow.
He took his standup in a new direction in 1982 with his film Bill Cosby, Himself. He became a curmudgeon onstage. He's a hilarious curmudgeon. He talked about how his goal in life had become to get the 5 children out of the house. He did an opening bit on drinking ..which made it only to the movie, and not to the album. He did a bit on dentists that he still does as an encore in concert. I practically recited it along with him when I saw him at Carnegie Hall on June 12, 2002. After those 2 bits he did the better part of 2 hours on family and related subjects.
At Carnegie Hall, he talked about how his wife says every night before they go to bed "I must have my Law and Order." He then did a 2 minute recap of a (generic) Law and Order episode, imitating the form of the show. It was hilarious, as is he.
George Burns and Gracie Allen: George and Gracie had worked in vaudeville prior to having worked with one another. Gracie worked with her sisters in an Irish singing and dancing act. George worked in just about every type of act you can imagine, and several you can't. In his book Gracie--A Love Story, he talks about having been both "Ramon" and "Rodriguez" (at different times) in the vaudeville act "Ramon and Rodriguez". He taught at BB's College of Dancing...which was located very close to where I live in New York.
Then, after ..squeaking by..he met Gracie, and they worked up an act. Gracie, of course, was the star, and got a large majority of the punchlines. She was the queen of the dangling modifier humor.
An example of Gracie's messing with grammar in general might go something like this (if George and Gracie were alive today):
George: Gracie, what do you think of the 2004 election prospects?
Gracie: Oh, I don't know George...After all, Bush has the same first name as you, so I like that part of him already.
George: But he cheated, Gracie. If there hadn't been any tampering, Gore would be President, Not Bush.
Gracie: Oh, George, you sillyhead, Al Gore isn't Bush. If Gore were Bush, GORE would be President.
George: I don't know *how* I missed that, Gracie.
See? They each had a modifier mistake..and..it can be funny...Maybe it's not your cup of tea.
Let me know what you think. Or tell me your favorite joke.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
A shallow man asked God "God, what's a million years to You?" God said "A million of your years, is like a minute to me". The man asked God "God, how significant is a million dollars to you?". God said "It's like a penny to me.".
The shallow man then asks "God, may I have a penny?" To which God responds "Sure. Just a minute".
This morning in Israel, someone of my acquaintance who is (by my reading) gay, publicly behaved in a manner that seemed very contrary to her typical behavior, and certainly was contrary to the behavior of a typical gay person.
There was also an earthquake in Israel this morning. I've visited Israel a bunch of times (Here's a trip diary of mine from 1997 http://www.pipeline.com/~danaf/israel . As proof of my short attention span, I offer the fact that I didn't complete this trip diary, or anything else from my personal website ca. 1998). Israel is not known for having many earthquakes. As I had to ask myself why there was an earthquake on the same day on which my friend behaved in a manner contrary to her seeming gayness.
The only answer I can think of was that God was confused...and..seconds after the first event occurred (at least seconds in God's eyes), God expressed his confusion about the first event seconds after it happened. Hence the earthquake. What say you?
I'm calling this Blog Everything in a Blender because, I tend not to have the greatest of attention spans. Most people blog about many things. I figure that I'll do that too. But I hope to add something special to the mix. Additionally, outside things listed in the terms of service, nothing is off limits in this blog..It may literally be EVERYTHING in a blender..at least some day.
I'll further confuse the reader by jumping from one subject to another at breakneck pace. Such jumps will often cause the reader to say "Wha????" (I'd love to hear your best "wha??" some time...Much in the style of Monty Python's "Getting hit on the head lessons" from The Argument clinic sketch.
I can generally focus on all things computer just long enough to get a problem fixed. Robin Williams spoke of George W. Bush as having the kind of attention span that would cause him to be distracted from a meeting with a world leader, saying "Look! A Puppy!". My attention span is almost that short.
I've got tremendous double standards about so many things. (See, I did it again). I proofread most other people's writing. Yet, when I make mistakes of my own, or, am unsure about whether something is gramatically correct, I just fake it, and try and argue my way out of it. (However "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue anymore, unless you've paid")
With respect to the short attention span, I tell my employees (I'm a business owner..another surprising fact) that they must focus on their work. I'm such a self-deprecating hypocrite.
As you get to know me through this blog, maybe you'll like me in spite of my writing.
I'm very passionate about a few things: Great arranging (especially jazz and pop music, and Jewish religious music..There aren't that many truly great arrangers in contemporary Jewish music..but I love the few who are out there), Comedy, especially STANDUP Comedy. Although I'm passionate about Judaism, I'm not observant, even though I grew up observant.
Warning: Topic change ahead.
I have either the best or second-best gaydar of anyone I know. I have, at various times been able to spot people who were gay before even they knew it, or admitted it to themselves. I probably will never be a parent. I'm already considered the "Weird Aunt" to several children. I'm honored by the title. If I were ever to have an honorary niece or nephew I was sure was to be a little queenlet or dykelet, I'd sit them down rather early (perhaps age 12?..depending on the child) and say "You're gay...You should accept this about yourself early rather than later. Many people think being gay is a bad thing. It's not a good thing or a bad thing. It's just who you are. It's like having brown hair...You can't control whether you're born with brown hair..."
In any event, I digressed there. Someone I know (from my own gaydar and inference) to be gay, has just behaved publicly in a manner that is really contrary to...anything gay. My first thought was that they're trying to cover it up publicly, because..they either suspect that potentially unaccepting people either know or suspect she's gay. This is all inference. I don't know any of this for certain.
But it is quite frustrating. I feel like I should reach out to her, much as I'd reach out to children to whom I'm the Weird Aunt, if the children were gay.
When I see someone I am certain (not necessarily from any external evidence, but only from my own inference and/or deduction) is gay behaving in a way that's contradictory to that. I may be able to help, but I'm not sure I want to get involved. If someone's trying to cover up their gayness, far be it from me to be in their face about it.
Okay, enough for 6:59 AM.
